


Welcome to the 'Doug' side

by agentcalliope



Series: A Doug's Life [6]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Best friends that ship together stay together., Crack, DO YOU REALIZE WHO THAT WAS????, Doug enlightens Joey on FS, Doug goes to give Joey some paperwork, Doug hears that a doctor just stopped by before him, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Joey becomes a shipper, Joey is not in a good mood., SIMMONS??, Spoliers for 3x17, also this is before the fs kiss scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6618676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentcalliope/pseuds/agentcalliope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doug has some papers for Joey to fill out before he leaves The Playground.</p><p>He finds out Simmons had just been in the room and Joey has NO idea who she is or about Fitzsimmons.</p><p> </p><p>Oh no. Doug will not let this slide.</p><p>Time for Joey to learn about our lord and savior Fitzsimmons</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to the 'Doug' side

**Author's Note:**

  * For [atomicsupervillainess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/atomicsupervillainess/gifts).



> who included Doug in her amazing fic "Caught Wet-Handed" and wow just amazing I have to thank her in some way :D
> 
> references to Mean Girls, Star Wars, Game of Thrones and Hamilton.
> 
> and there's a curse word in Spanish

* * *

 

 

Doug only has to do one more thing before he can call it quits for the night and work on _Prehistoric Love: A Fitzsimmons’ Adventure._

 

_You can do it Doug you can do it. He seems really nice and man he must feel so horrible ugh I feel terrible._

Doug hasn’t really met Joey before, but for some reason he was elected to have Joey fill out the forms that would allow him to leave SHIELD.

_And we JUST got the Secret Warriors!!!! Martha won’t be happy when she finds out about this. Fricking Hive always messing things up THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS*_

_*life, fitzsimmons, and the pursuit of happiness_

 

 

Doug takes a deep breath before he heads into Joey’s containment room.

 

“Mr. Gutierrez? I have some documents for you to sign before you can go.” Doug’s flipping through the papers as he walks in.

_nice Doug cool and professional and just really nice job pat on the back._

Joey’s sitting on the bed, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at the floor.

 

Doug frowns.

“Mr. Gutierrez? Are you okay?” He hopes Joey hears the concern lacing his voice.

 

Joey grimaces and shakes his head.

“It’s Joey. And a doctor just took a sample to make sure I’m not infected from this evil death inhuman so no, I’m not _okay_.”

 

Doug is truly really genuinely worried for Joey.

But-

“Doctor????? WAS IT SIMMONS????”

 

Doug will talk about Fitzsimmons any opportunity he has _goddammit._

Joey’s a little startled by this reaction, especially since Doug is now basically jumping up and down clutching the documents in his hand.

 

“I… think so? The British lady?”

 

Doug races over and sets himself onto the bed right next to Joey, who scoots away and looks at him like he’s crazy.

Doug is _NOT_ crazy.

 

“Do you have _ANY_ idea who she is???” Doug is in awe of lack of knowledge of some people **honestly**.

 

“I mean… I know we went in to rescue her one time?”

 

_Oh, my sweet summer child._

_Don’t worry, Doug’s here._

_The world will never be the same._

 

Doug has to compose himself- when else does he get the chance to ~~corrupt~~ _enlighten_ someone to the light that is Fitzsimmons??

 

“Joey. Joey Joey Joey. Let me tell you a story.”

 

“Look, man I just want to go ho-”

 

“DID YOU KNOW SHE SWAM 90 FEET ON A SINGLE BREATH OF AIR TO THE SURFACE AND DRAGGED THE UNCONSCIOUS BODY OF HER SOULMATE AND BEST FRIEND AGENT FITZ?”

 

 _That_ got Joey’s attention.

“Tell. Me. Everything.”

 

 

_WITH PLEASURE._

* * *

“Friends for years??”

 

“ _Best_ friends.”

 

“So when did they realize they loved each other?”

 

“Okay hear me out so there was this alien virus and…”

 

“SHE JUMPED OUT OF THE PLANE??”

 

“YES AND HE WAS SCREAMING HER NAME.”

 

“OH MY GOD _WHAT HAPPENED NEXT??_ ”

 

“That’s the day Fitz realized he loved her as a best friend but _more_.”

 

“So when is the ocean thing that you menti-”

 

“Patience, young Padawan. Patience.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I MEAN I KNEW WARD WAS HYDRA BUT I DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS ON THE TEAM!!! I HATE HIM EVEN MORE NOW.”

 

“OH YOU AINT SEEN NOTHING YET.”

 

“NO.”

 

“YES.”

 

“OCEAN SCENE?”

 

“OCEAN SCENE.”

 

When Doug tells Joey about the pod, he has to reach into his briefcase for his packet of tissues (you never know when you’re gonna have a case of Fitzsimmons’ Feels) and give them to Joey, who’s sobbing.

 

“I know Joey I know.”

 

“HE GAVE HER THE OXYGEN.”

 

“I know.”

 

“WHY DID HE MAKE HER DO THIS HE’S HER BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD??”

 

“I hear you buddy.”

 

“SHE’S MORE THAN THATTTTTT.”

Joey blows his nose and wails as Doug pats his back.

 

He turns to look at Doug with wide, red-rimmed eyes.

“What happened next??? Did she tell him she loved him??”

 

Doug cringes.

“Joey I’m so sorry there are basically like two more seasons of angst.”

 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

 

* * *

 

“FITTZZ NOOOOO MY POOR BABY.”

 

“YEP.”

 

“HE WAS HALLUCINATING HER??? THE WHOLE TIME???”

 

“YEP.”

 

“WHY DID SHE LEAVE HIM?? WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?”

 

“I’LL GET TO THAT IN A MINUTE.”

 

“I HATE THIS MY HEART ACHES I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THIS FEELING.”

 

_Another one bites the dust._

_Welcome to hell Fitzsimmons, where there’s no way out. THE MORE THE MERRIER I ALWAYS SAY._

 

 

“THEY WEREN’T PSYCHICALLY LINKED ANYMORE.”

 

“NO THEY WEREN’T.”

 

“This is KILLING me.”

 

“…”

 

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR FINISH THE STORY I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.”

 

“SHE SAID MAYBE THERE IS DOUG SHE SAID MAYBE THERE IS”

 

“I KNOW I’M THE ONE WHO _TOLD_ YOU JOEY.”

 

“SO WHAT HAPPENED WHEN HE CAME BACK?”

 

“He… ASKED HER OUT ON A DATE!”

 

“SHUT. UP.”

 

“HE DID. AND SHE SAID YES.”

 

“LIKE JEMMA SIMMONS WOULD SAY NO! HA! AND THEN WHAT?”

 

Oh no.

Time to tell him.

 

* * *

 

 

“But… but… but… HE JUST ASKED HER OUT ON A DATE???”

 

Doug nods sympathetically, tearing up a bit.

 

Joey is _furious_.

“I’M HONESTLY SO MAD RIGHT IT’S LITERALLY LIKE SOME WRITERS DECIDED THEY NEEDED TO HURT FITZSIMMONS EVEN MORE THAN THEY ALREADY HAD.”

 

“RIGHT???? AND IT GETS _WORSE_.”

 

“HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE SHE WAS SUCKED INTO A GIANT. ROCK.”

 

“IMMA TELL YOU.”

 

Needless to say, Joey soon found out how it got worse.

“DOOOOO SOMETHINNNNGGGG AHHHHHH RIGHT IN THE FEELS.”

 

“AND THEN HE JUMPED THROUGH A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.”

 

“OH MY GOD BLESSSSS.”

 

“WAIT THERE’S MORE.”

 

“THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS I’M DYING.”

 

“ AND THEN HE TOOK HER TO DINNER.”

 

“NO.”

 

“HE KEPT THE RESERVATION. FOR. _MONTHS_.”

 

“ _NO._ ”

 

“And then she told him what happened on the planet.”

 

“WHAT HAPPENED ON THE PLANET.”

 

_Bite the bullet Doug bite the fricking bullet._

“THERE WAS A SPACE BF?????? WHAT THE FRICK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK. OF _COURSE_ THERE WAS A ASTRONAUT-”

 

“A HOT ASTRONAUT-”

 

“A _SMOKING HOT_ ASTRONAUT ON THAT PLANET OF COURSE.”

_I’ve been there buddy I’ve been there._

 

“YOU. ACTUALLY. SAW. THIS. HAPPEN?! I’M SO JEALOUS.”

 

“IT WAS SAD AND HEARTBREAKING AND BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME.”

 

“’THEY’RE CURSED’?? _I’M_ CURSED”

 

“That’s EXACTLY what I said!”

 

“Bruh.”

 

“Bruh.”

 

* * *

 

“SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, THAT BEFORE I HELPED RESCUE THEM, SHE WAS _TORTURED_ AND HE WAS FORCED TO _LISTEN_ TO IT.”

 

“YES.”

 

“BY WARD?”

 

“YES.”

 

“I FRICKING HATE THIS GUY MORE THAN I DID BEFORE.”

 

“I TOLD YOU.”

 

Joey gasps and covers his mouth.

“HE ISN’T STRONG ENOUGH TO LIFE IN A WORLD THAT DOESN’T HAVE HER IN IT OH MY DIOS.”

 

“THEN THEN THEN THEN SHE SAID-”

 

“WHAT DID SHE SAY?”

 

“COME BACK TO ME.”

 

“MY HEARTTTTTTTTTTTT.”

 

* * *

 

 

“THEY HELD HANDS??”

 

“UH-HUH.”

 

“I CANNOT BELIEVE IM FREAKING OUT OVER TWO PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS.”

 

“WELL, IT’S THE MOST FITZSIMMONS ACTION WE’VE GOTTEN IN A MONTH.”

 

“WE’RE SO DEPRIVED”

 

“DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE.”

 

* * *

 

 

“OKAY TELL ME MORE.”

 

“…”

 

“What.”

 

“That’s it. That’s all that’s happened so far.”

 

“QUÉ CHINGADOS.”

 

“I don’t know what that means but I assume that you’re not happy so SAMMME.”

 

“BUT THEY ARE ENDGAME RIGHT??? THEY’LL FINALLY GET TOGETHER RIGHT???”

 

“OF COURSE THEY’RE ENDGAME THEY LITERALLY CAME WITH THEIR OWN SHIPNAME.”

 

“DOES ANYONE LIKE _NOT_ SHIP THEM???”

 

“SURPRISINGLY YEAH THERE ARE! I know this _one_ guy….”

 

“IS HE HYDRA?”

 

“HA! JEFF _WISHES_ HE WAS HYDRA.”

 

Joey takes Doug’s hand and shakes it profusely.

“Thank you so much man I know what I need to do now.”

 

_What did I tell him to do???? WHAT DID I TELL HIM TO DO??  
_

Joey smiles crookedly and forces a cough.

“oh noooo…” *cough cough* “I’m _sickkkk._ I think I might need to see a _Doctor. NOT LINCOLN but the other one…”_

_What have I done I have created a **monster**._

“I ain’t leaving this fricking base until I get the chance to meet THE Simmons when I know who she is _and_ Fitz nope I have a mighty need I must meet them I MUST.”

Joey stops himself and glares at Doug.

“Why did you drag me into this??? I didn’t know it would overtake my life?! WHY??”

_mwhahahahhaHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA IF I HAVE TO BE EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED I’M GONNA TAKE PEOPLE DOWN WITH ME._

 

But Doug just shrugs.  
“You wanna chat about Fitzsimmons? Here’s my number. Call me anytime.”

 

“… how is like, 7 minutes after you leave?”

 

 

_oh my god… I think this is the start of a BEAUTIFUL friendship._


End file.
